But wishing never helps, wishing never helps, wishing never solved a thing.
I could've just said, "Ok, I'm young and beautiful, aren't I? There's gonna be many possibilities, hundrends of them. It doesn't matter if I stop now, because I need to sleep, rest, cry a package of hankies or something. I need to take care of myself. Nothing bad's gonna happen if I stop."

That'd be fair enough, especially the "young and beautiful" part, and a little close to how we all feel now and then. This is a good way to deal with hard times. Pretend like you're the one who has won. Like that was never a big deal. Turn the frustration of not-having-done-enough into a big junk of artificial love to yourself.

But it is a big deal right?
And you've never felt as winner right?
And you're not really proud of yourself having stepped back?

I could've just said, "I need to look at things more realistic. I don't need that all. The shit's not funny, it won't help in my life, and I already have everything I need." That'd be a nice excuse for turning away, for an excape, for thinking "Ok, it undoes all that I've done and unmakes all the promises." Maybe this is a healthy approach. The one that helps keeping up, moving forward, being hurted, keeping up, moving forward, being hurted again-

Still, that's also a self-pity. A run-away from responsibility. An "I'd rather be the same as I am, not suffering, than suffer a little and shape into something better" excuse. That's funny how strong we hate suffering, even stronger than we want some fun, some love or pleasures.

But I believe there is something more. Something that should be stronger than our wishes and hate and even fear. The word.

I could've said, "It doesn't really matter when nobody need my promise", but they'll never need it as much as I do. All we do - we do not for someone.
I promise for myself. I aim, I keep up, I stand up after the fall - all for myself. I fight for myself and I won't give up.
Because what I am without my word.

@темы: английский, жизнь и всякое